So much love
Even more love
@Social House after wet and squelchy trick-or-treating. I attacked a little boy, Andrea attacked Dementor Chow and Kublai got attacked by ants. Apparently, the Master of the Wild is quite powerless when it comes to bugs. Quite an eventful night.
Had dinner with the chickens yesterday, but skipped dinner with them tonight. When 9 November is over, I will be a very happy person.
Ps. Happy belated birthday Monster Slug :)
Today marked the official end of the J1 year, which left me feeling surprisingly sad. It’s crazy to think how unbearably long we thought rotting in the canteen with the monsters/ dying in class/ giggling with T02/ 9-hr school days were, yet how it all seemed to zoom by in a blur in retrospect.
I’m going to miss 1T02 ‘09. I never thought I’d get so emotional over my class, but I think it’s absolutely amazing how a bunch of people so different managed to put aside their differences, backstabbing, bitching and all forms of politics and come together to become a close-knit unit. I’ve seen people change for the better; I’ve seen various groups keep friendships going strong despite the overwhelming odds. I’ve laughed the hardest and longest with these weirdos, and also met the nicest, most generous, amazing people in the world. It’s heartbreaking to think we won’t all move up together.
And to best friends anybody could ask for: thank you a million times over for making this an amazing year with your crazy antics, stupid inside jokes, code names and endless laughter. So maybe you’re a bunch of disgusting ovulators, but you also make me unbelievably happy. I love you guys ♥
On a side note, if you’re planning to catch Love Happens, don’t. The movie is so bad you walk out of the cinema quite thoroughly confused. Like you missed something important… say, the plot. Maybe an actual storyline. Love itself? I have no idea.
Relieved, but my heart’s heavy and I don’t know what to say. I’m going to miss you guys so much.
Oh, my God. You just don’t get it, do you? Whereas we completely get you.
You aren’t malicious - you’re not nearly smart enough. You aren’t a backstabber - you’re just a compulsive liar. For lack of a better way to phrase things, you’re just so fucking selfish that you’ll allow anyone to take the rap for your shit, as long as you look okay to everyone else. You live in your own little world where everything revolves around you; you are the centre of attention.
Except you aren’t. You aren’t outstanding in any way; ironically, it’s because you try so hard that people notice you. Average, colourless… Quite unexceptional, really. The thing is, you can’t expect people to constantly cater to your humongous insecurity issues and overwhelming emotional needs. The way you act, it’s like the entire world was made to bow to your every whim and fancy, most of them related to your overly-dependent, parasitic, growth-like relationship with the few you choose to get to know better.
Yes, you chose me to bless with your everlasting love. A clingy, psychotic nightmare.
Friendships don’t work like that. It’s not a candy store mix-n-match where you choose the sweets you feel like eating - or in your case, the ones that make you feel good about yourself. You can’t buy the same type of sweets you previously never looked at just because the other ones are sold out, just like you can’t vie for the attention of people you always declared never meant a fuck to you. Because face it: you aren’t amazingly fun, charismatic or anything of the sort. So why the hell should anybody forget about their past horror stories with you and make a concerted effort to start anew?
I’ve heard volumes of negative things about you. I don’t think you even have a remote idea about the crazy number of people that detest you. My initial reaction was incredulous - I perceived you to be the complete opposite of what they made you out to be; I perceived you to be generous, charitable, compassionate, positive, nice. My opinion wasn’t changed by your detractors - it deteriorated after seeing you in, shall we call it, your ‘natural habitat’. School. Where I saw what happened when you didn’t want people to outshine you. Where I saw what you did to those whom you thought were better. When I saw your face darken when people who put in less effort than you achieved better results. Where, basically, every single absolutely shit story about you was proven true over and over again.
You have no fucking idea of the number of times I’ve lied to your face to keep you happy. You have no fucking idea how many times I’ve ignored the inconsistencies in your tall tales just to stop you from feeling ashamed. You have no fucking idea how many of your botched stories and attempted cover-ups I’ve seen through all this while, both majorly big and completely insignificant. For goodness’ sake, if you want to lie, at least do it properly. I’ve always kept quiet because I didn’t want to embarrass you by asking, but honestly… Either you really don’t give a damn about getting found out, or you’re brainless enough to think everybody’s as dumb as you are. I choose to give you the benefit of the doubt - I think it’s the latter. At least that involves less spite. The downside? Less brains, too. But I’ve come to expect it of you by now.
It’s funny, because even after I’ve expounded on all this, you probably think I’m crazy. I understand, though. Does that surprise you? I understand, because you’ve grown up with a chip on your shoulder, and I pity you, because you’ll never be mature, open-minded or unselfish enough to see it.
Because really, no amount of anything is worth tolerating you.
Hectic day. Brain fried from all that PW. Had sexy time with Miv, Jo and Mag today and giggled while Clare got her hopes up for hers. I am a genius.
The stars on my nails have chipped off, but life is looking pretty good. Now I just hope I don’t fall sick, can get my act together and survive the next two weeks. Because really, there is no time left, and I don’t know what I was thinking.
Ps. GWS DebPin & AndieUnicorn <3
Friday/Saturday night
So, we’re headed back to school tomorrow. My sept holidays study resume compromises half a chapter of Firms and How They Oper8. I would say GG, except that’s not how I intend it to be. I have to study. I must study. I will study.
You know the excruciating feeling you get the night before a paper you’re unprepared for? When you’re agonising over whether to give up or not and kicking yourself in the ass for all the wasted opportunities you didn’t seize? When you think, over and over again, ‘If only I had one more day…’
Haven’t done a single scrap of work for promos; am feeling a whole lot of terrified now :(
This is something I feel obligated to share with the world. It would be selfish of me to keep such wisdom to myself.
(click to zoom if you must)
After this picture was taken, Gab, Kaili and I sprinted across the overhead bridge outside school, down the stairs to the bus stop and up the pavement… and hey, what do you know, dead end. So, we vaulted across the metal fences and ran valiantly along the expressway to the taxi Miv was waiting in, only to find it slowly driving away from us. Managed to hop in in the end though, so no worries.
(It all sounds so much more heroic when written down)
Afterwards, I got tricked by the cab driver and lepaked around with Gab, which included being forced to talk to the infinitely annoying Starbucks guy, giggling at the R Tranny, purchasing Princess magazines for the accompanying fluffy pink wands, Hello Kitty glitter cards and Sushi Tei. Then, went off to meet Andrea and Dillon and play poker for 3 hrs.
WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO GET DOWN AND STUDY
Ps. I stuffed shit in my cap to keep it erect but it’s still flopping. See, Deb? I am not destined to be a mat.
I grew up with picnic weekends, merry-go-rounds, random car rides to nowhere, one fruit a day, angel wings, brown rice on week days, spageddies mustaches, tooth fairies, golden warmth and infallible parents. Now there are chips in the house, tantrums, weekend episodes, cold wars, strained smiles and small attempts to make things better.
It doesn’t feel like home, and I don’t like it.
